Momentum For Monday, August 15th 2022
“Above all else, guard your affections…” (Proverbs 4:23)
Another thing I would have loved to have learned earlier in my life was guarding my heart. It cost me a lot of pain, loss, and hurt not handling people and/or relationships correctly (including myself). It took several lessons well into my thirties before I started to grasp better boundaries.
At some point, I had to stop asking for changed behavior from people who had already given me their obvious answer by their actions and behavior. I also had to stop waiting on people to change. I can love them as they are but not expect anything more. I learned to truly forgive someone without needing their permission or forgiveness in return. Some folks would rather cut you off completely than own their part in a problem and humbly try to move forward in healing to restore the relationship. And on that note, I learned that I can forgive someone and not need to let them back in my life when they can't value me and treat me respectfully (yes, that even extends to family relationships too).
I’m not against reconciliation either. I prefer it actually. If both parties are willing, it should be sought out first. However, it isn’t always necessary or an option.
Additionally, I learned that if people want to be a part of your life, they will be. Constantly asking for time or effort isn't necessary. A lack of availability equals a lack of priority and care. Healthy relationships of any sort will have effort and determination from both sides, not just one. This doesn’t have to be taken as personal offense, but just to be understood. I spent so much time hoping in people only to be let down. The fault was mine though, that type of hope should only be given to God.
Please hear me, this isn't coming from a place of hurt or unforgiveness. I've made plenty of mistakes on my side of things and needed to apologize for royally screwing things up. The difference is that I learned that we can only love and value people to the extent of our love and value for ourselves. May I also say that this isn't based on some psychobabble rant, but Scripture- love your neighbor as yourself (Mark 12:30-31).
These boundaries apply to myself also. Meaning, I guard my thoughts about myself and others. How I value someone to their face and what I think about them privately should match (this is a work in progress).
When we love with understanding, we can guard our hearts better. We can see our capacities, flaws, and limits, we can also see it in others without needing to judge them.
“Keep us forgiven with you and forgiving others.”
(Matthew 6:12